I propose that in order to solve all future conflicts inwhich people would rather bring out the guns that instead we should hold acompetition between the two countries. For example instead of having the Iraqwar we will have a large tournament of beach volleyball. However there are somerules. The first one is that the people in the military will be the only onescompeting so professional athletes would make thing unfair. Secondly, teams cannotbe made up of people from the same country. For example for volleyball thereare two people on the court so one of them would be Iraqis and one of themwould be American. It would be an epic tournament that is three strikes yourout. The comradely felt in playing the game would make up for whatever tensionthere had been and make everyone understand each other better. However it isimportant to not it doesn’t have to be just volleyball it can be anythinghowever it must be done in a way so that people can talk to each other thusthey can understand what is going on. Also while this is going on there is freefood and drinks provided by the teams who have lost so far. Lastly the generalsand people who wanted to start it in the first place must go together and walkaround the perimeter of Germany handcuffed together three times. After thatthey can come back and see if they still want to fight. 

Ah snappies. You’ve been looking for those close relationships that psychologists always say are necessary for self-actualization and happiness. But why must we continuously seek out people for this? What is so great about the human race? The homo sapien even sounds like a large spider.

We alter ourselves through expensive procedures and online services looking for acceptance. However, scientists have found that there is bodily hormone that is released from the adrenal glands when we feel accepted. It is called Indigenemanilehi and there are actually very few ways to have this powerful hormone released explains Dr. Likening: 

Over the past couples years we have done studies on the new hormone ‘Indigenmanilhi’ (better known as IGM) and explored what causes it be released. We only allowed bias to affect certain areas like deciding who and what to test so that they wouldn’t be biased…from these studies we have realized that animove – animal love – is much more powerful than simple human lust and pretend friendship. Therefore we recommend people buy soul cats.

Soul cats reduce stress and create a happy atmosphere. There are also now many reputable breeders who can match me with a car that will be your perfect match.

~Erin Tenney

 These days, it’s hard to find a politician we can truly trust. With corruption filling every level of authority, many Americans are doubtful in their government and don’t feel that they can trust them the way a people should be able to trust its leaders.

            When one considers our election process, it is easy to see why corruption can infiltrate our government. An individual simply creates the best image of themselves they can, creates a few political advertisements, and hopes their opponent doesn’t dig up too much dirt on them. They in turn try to come up with a few insults to hurl at their opponent, all the while being careful not to be deemed “too negative”. The result is a government full of actors—people who are skilled at portraying a carefully polished façade, not people who are skilled at leading a corporation or country. When all we know about a candidate, besides the typical party platform rephrased to sound original, is that they “endorse this message”, it is certainly hard to deem who is ethical enough, and intelligent enough, to make the decisions that will shape our nation for decades to come.

            In years past, voters have argued that they want to elect a leader that they can have a beer with. This is a step in the right direction. Instead of simply swallowing the carefully cultivated public image, these people want to know their leader’s personality. They want to know that they can crack a joke, and laugh at a ridiculous one. They want them to have a nice little family to share stories about over that beer. These are all things that help us better understand out leaders, and thus better equipped to judge whether or not they can properly lead us.

            However, I would suggest that we take things a bit further. I don’t just want to know that they can attend the town carnival. I want to know more about their history. I want to know if they were really captain of the debate team at high school, or if they just took the title and let someone else do the work. I want to know if they were quarterback of their football team, or just a benchwarmer. I want to know if they ever cheated on a math test in sixth grade. I want to know if they even thought about cheating on a math test, ever. If they did, they clearly are not fit to lead the nation. We need to know if our candidate for president broke little Peggy Sue’s heart in the fourth grade when he wouldn’t hold her hand at recess. We need to know if our senatorial candidate ever called out an answer in class instead of waiting to be called on. These displays of behavior clearly rule out their leadership capacity. Think about it: our current president may have taken an extra cookie after dinner once when he was 9, and never gotten caught! This shows a clear propensity toward dishonesty, and makes me fearful for our nation. In conclusion, I would suggest a thorough background check on all candidates for office, including interviews with every teacher they had, preschool through professors. I want to talk to their baseball coach and their lunch lady. Everyone who could ever tell me one relevant detail of their life, I want interviewed. It is the only way to ensure that honest and faithful individuals take on the duty of leading this great nation. 

-Heather Dowd