Humor from China
Humor from China
Girl thing, boy thing.

A girl always show off her new toys in front of a boy.
The poor boy eventually take off his pants and show to her: this you will never have.
And the proud girl also take off her pants and show to him: my mom told me, with this I can have as much your thing as I want.

Barber

Xiaogang: my father is captain, everybody on board listen to him.
Xiaoming: my father is mayer, everybody in the city listen to him.
Xiaosmarter: your fathers all need to listen to my father. my father asks them to sit, they sit,

my father asks them to low their head, they lower their head.
Xiaogang and Xiaoming angrily: How dare you?what does your father do!
Xiaosmarter: my father is a barber.

The most toilsome animal


Three children are discussing which animal is most toilsome.
Child A: What animal is most toilsome in the world?
Child B: I believe they are either ox, or horse for sure.
Child C: My opinion...., the most toilsome animal must be fish.
Hearing this, everybody puzzled, and ask:"Why?"
Child C: Ox and horse are very toilsome, however, they can sleep during the night, and fish swim all day, all night, no rest.

Curdle

mom: Xiaoming, you are a grow-up now, how shameful you still need mom to curdle you.
Xiaoming: The neighbor Aunt is older than me, she still let papa to curdle her.

Tiger

Father and son were in front of the tiger cage in the zoo.
Father was explaining how violent, ferocious, and brutal the tigers were.
"Papa, if the tiger burst out off the cage" said son,"and eat you up......"
"Then, what you will do

Dear Sir / Madam,

I hope this email doesn't disturb you.

This is first time I am writing this to you trying to establish a relationship with you.

I am a writer by nature and also a business developer for a living with my focus in the Chinese market. Presently, due to the financial crisis, my humble China consulting business getting extremely slow so I decide to focus on a traditional trade --- writing, and publishing.

I wonder if you have any childrens cartoon book available for the Chinese market, or do you know somebody who have such capability.

I would dare to suggest we can work together to translate and publish those in China. Recently, I have finished one 200,000 words novel in less than two months. And I have started writing another 300,000 novel since September 2009. You can view my novels in my blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/chinesecanadian. There are two Chinese publishers are discussing how to publish my novels. However, I think good children's book would sell well in China. This could be a good opportunity for both money and literature etc......

Children are always among our top priorities. And the Chinese parents are eager for their children to learn and to know more about the foreign world so the good foreign children's book will definitely have its market in China. and I would suggest to start with the cartoon series because "a picture worth ten thoughsand words". However, a proper text illustration is needed for them to better understand the meaning and the deep thought of the painters and the story writers.

It has to be foreign, it has to be in both Chinese and a foreign language (in my case, I need the foreign language to be in English for which I can manage to comprehend and translate). I am seeking good English cartoonist who would provide their continueous and sustainable work for the proposed series to be published in China. I do see this is a good opportunity for me, the foreign publisher(s), sponsor(s), and the English writer(s) / painter(s). I can find the publishers in China who can partner with us for this series.
It is a special market with huge potential for the right books, movies, etc...... They now can afford some good stuff.

I am seeking for a series of cartoon stories like http://www.tintins.cn/. We do not need a lot of text, however, we need a series of stories of interest so the illustrator should be very important.

The story itself should be very attractive which is also very important.
Actually, my proposed project can involve other subjects. Presently, I want to start with the graphical novel for Children which is what I consider to be the most promising market in China now.

I want to make sure the novel will sell well, and I want this novel series to be a continuous sustainable project. We can even make it a series of business which include image, movie, consumer products etc.....

Children's book is only a starter. I am planning to work on different projects please read through this email and if you are still interested please let me know.

I have friends who has a big publishing house. They can help me to publish and circulate books I write but they need me to pay the printing cost first so I need to make sure my projects are salable in China. The printing cost is a fraction of the selling price so if the book is attractive in the market the profit would be very high.

What I am asking is to have some writers who are good at the Children's book and the work should be illusive enough to attact children's attention, story painting, the stories. They also need to take a bit risk dare to print a certain number of copies to start moving the business.

This is what they usually do with the writers in China. They provide the publishing, the circulation service, we provide the writing ,the printing costs.

If we print 5000 copies of a 200 page book. The cost for each book would be US$0.80 and the retail price normally US$4.00 so the margin is US$3.20. The publishing house would take 1000 copy as their profit and we take 4000 copies. The circulation arrangement could be 4:6 split with the circulation department.

So we can have 2400 books as our pure income which is US$9600.00 minus our previous investment of US$4000.00 we have US$ 5600.00 as our profit.

This is a very small project, we can start immediately.

The market for children's book is huge for the right books. Once we have a series of books and good quantity of copies our profit will be huge too.
I hope I can get support from you. Thank you.

Kind Regards,
Oliver Haiqing Hua

Economist, Educator, Business Consultant, Writer
602-19, 590 Long, Xinhua Rd. Changning District, Shanghai , P. R. China, Postcode: 200052
Tel: +86-21-62802209 Cell: +86-13701879982
E-mail: xietca@yahoo.com,haiqing1@yahoo.com
http://blog.sina.com.cn/chinesecanadian


CAREER OBJECTIVE

To apply analytical and project management skills in a challenging opportunity

QUALIFICATIONS

Strong experience on the market development in China and abroad

Educated and worked in China and Canada , understand both cultures

Systematic knowledge of logistic, accounting, finance, investment, marketing

Experience in engineering projects for a broad range of industries

Strong in analytical and quantitative skills, designed management systems

Excellent organization, negotiation, verbal and written presentation skills

Extensive IT skills including ERP modeling and programming languages

WORKING EXPERIENCE

1984 - 1991, Manager, Ministry of Commerce P.R. China.

1992 - 1996, Director, ZY Energy Development Inc.

1997 - 2000, Manager, High Line Corp

1997 Founder, Gigabyte Power Consulting Services

2000 - 2004, Teaching consultant, Seneca College

2004 - 2007, China Business Consultant (key person for Kam controls, Willburt company, United Rotary Brushes, Top Technology

Dear beloved in christ,

I know that this letter may be a very big surprise to you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfil my final wish before I will die. I am Mrs. Sarah Williams from England, I am 58 years old,I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast, which also affected my brain. From all indication my condition is really deteriorating, and my doctors have courageously advised me that I may not live beyond the next two months, this is because the cancer stage has reached a critical stage.

I was brought up in a motherless baby's home, and was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child. My husband and I are true Christians and both worked with the british embassy in Spain but quite unfortunately, he died in a fatal motor accident.Since his death I decided not to re-marry, I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of $8.5million dollars in a trunk box which i delared as family valuable with a security firm in London.

Presently, this trunk box containing the money is still in their custody, and the management just wrote me as the Legitimate beneficiary to come forward to receive the trunk box after keeping it for so long or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over as a result of my illness, or they get it confiscated because of dumorage. Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.

It is my last wish to see that this money is invested in any organization of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization, the poor and the motherless baby's home where I come from. I want you to use it as a good humanitarian,also to fund churches, orphanages and widows around. I must let you know that this was a very hard decision, but I had to take a bold step towards this issue because I have no further option. I hope you will help see my last wishes come true.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the security firm. I will also issue you a letter of authority, which will prove that you are the new beneficiary of the trunk box. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hope to hear from you soonest.

Awaiting for your quick reply.

Your beloved
Mrs. Sarah Williams


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Dearest,

I am contacting you to assist me transfer the fund my late father deposited in one of the leading banks of africa called ECOBANK at the tone of US$ 4.8 million. I will like this fund to be invested in your country in a lucrative bussiness, and also I want to continue my education there. My name is kasib sanusi I am 21 years old and the only child of my late parents Mr and Mrs Bugora Sanusi.

I need your help now because I am in a very big difficulty. My late father was the deputy minister of defence in my country Liberia during the regime of former president Charles Taylor and he was killed by the men of this man because he was accused of coupt attempt. I am in Abidjan in a city of the neigbouring country and it is also in this city where the bank is.

Please, I want you to stand as the associate to my late father and contact the bank on my behalf. I will introduce you to them and give you their contact. This fund is deposited in an Escrow account and it will only be used when transferred in a foreign account. This was the agreement had my late father with the bank and that is why I need your help. I am the beneficiary of this account but I cannot operate it here as lond as it remain in this country and the nature of the deposit.

My late father did it that way because of security reasons, as he intended transfering it in a foreign country before his dead. Since I do not have any foreign account and I cannot be able to handle this transaction myself, I decided to search for a reliable person through the internet before I find your contact. You shall be the caretaker of this fund when it is transferred to your account and also the investment you will help me do while I continue my education in your care too.

15% of the fund shall be for you because of your help and the expenses you might incur during the process of the transaction. 5% shall be remove to settle tax in your country and the remaning shall be for the investment capital and my education as well. I am an orphan who has nobody to help me, please accept to help me and God will surely bless you.

Contact me throughy my private email (sanusi_k2009@cantv.net) I shall give you more details you need to you and also the Certificate of deposit of the fund. I will need these infomations from you if you have accepted to help so that I can introduce you to the bank legally. YOUR FULL NAMES, COMPLETE ADDRESS, TELEPHONE , AGE AND OCCUPATION. Thank you very much and be bless.

YOURS SINCERELY
Kasib Sanusi

My Mobile Number (+22507369145)




_________________________________________________________
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FROM FRANCISCO MATEUS

Beloved,

My Name is Sr. Francisco De Manuel Mateus, I am from Portugal I have been
diagnosed with cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment,
and right
now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I
have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared
for anyone
(not even myself) but my business.

Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and
only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.But now I
regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to
have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second
chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I
have lived it.

I Would want to have a Personal and Trustworthy Relationship with you, as I
intend and willing to empower the change of ownership for the transfer of my
Deposits to your personal possession for further Investment and Charity
Disbursement to the Less Privilege and Homeless.

I will send you the photos of me and my very hopeless and selfish family
members, including my wife, who I learnt is getting married to my personal
friend and attorney, Thank you for your due consideration. God be with you.

You can write me through my alternative email (m_francisco@cantv.net) i shall
be waiting for your urgent reply.

Sr. Francisco De Manuel Mateus

Audio message for you!: Hi Dave.
Sorry I do not have the Scottish voice that you love so much! I travelled a lot as a kid (dad was in the Royal Air Force) so didn't acquire the accent. Maybe if I keep taking the tartan tablets I will be able to recite Rabbie Burns in an authentic voice!!!

But you will get to hear my own voice on the message at Drop.io. What a great service that is! I just wanted to thank you more personally. Emails can be a bit wooden, so I hope you can hear my gratitude and enthusiasm for SOP on the audio messge! It was a great chance to fiddle with audacity and get my headset mike working (after the fiasco I made of it at the webinar!)

Wishing you everything good,
Lin